Take Me Out to the Ballgame

So we took the boys to and Astros game. And we thought that Luke would like it - because he loves baseballs so darn much. But what we didn't expect was total and complete love of it all.

These were our seats

 This was our little boy glued to the game

 Andrew could take it or leave it - but not Luke. *side note - Andrew was sweating bullets the entire time. (none of the rest of us were hot)

 "nnnooooooooo"  (this was his reaction when we told him we were leaving)

This was Luke enjoying a hit!

This was Luke and Andrew running the bases!

We might be starting a savings account for season tickets. I teared up more than once tonight - definitely top 5 all time Fridays for me.

Retrospective Easter Post

This post is out of order. Easter came before the boys' birthday party but, as my mother (an probably yours) would say, better late than never.

We decided to give the boys "Cars" Easter baskets, to make Andrew happy, and then the eggs they hunted were designed to look like sports balls (in honor of Luke)
Needless to say, it was a hit. The first picture is luke discovering that there were Easter eggs hidden on and around the car. The picture doesn't do the level of excitement justice.

The boys had a birthday. Such a beautiful day, sweet friends, good food, more gifts than we have room for and two tired boys. Thanks to all who shared with us. Please don't judge, we are only doing combo birthdays until the boys are old enough to know the difference.

On an unrelated, much sadder note, my sweet kitty (of 12 years) died this morning. Give your pets a squeeze, one day they will be gone, and you will miss them terribly.

Enough of that - here are some cheerful pictures.

Halloween 2011

The boys love a pumpkin patch! We could stay there all day - and the one that we go to has a choo choo, bounces houses and a little petting zoo area making it even more fun to drag the boys home. We let the boys pick the pumkin and I drew the face and Billy carved it. We are "happy" jack-o-lantern people hence the goofy smile.










Now, before you judge me based on the photos below (and the striking resemblance they bear to last year's costumes), please know that it was not out of cheapness, laziness or meanness that I subjected them to a second year switch. The bottom line is that when either one of them has to wear anything but a t-shirt and pants, it is all out tearfest. Andrew cries and pulls at the jacket sleves saying "sha-cat no" and Luke whines "we don't like jatets." So at the beginning of October, I dug out last years costumes to do a dry run and it was a nightmare. Neither boy would keep it on both boys were sweating and crying - and so, in anticipation of an epic fail on the 31st, Billy and I decided to reduce, reuse and recycle. Luke became a chicken (and refused to wear the hat or the feet, so he looked like a terri cloth gum ball) and Andrew was a pumpkin, also resisted the darling matching hat.

We went to a halloween party before trick or treating where Luke spent most of the time collecting acorns (neither Billy nor I noticed this at the time). So you can imagine our surprise when we dumped out their treat bags and found about 20 acorns mixed in with the candy! Luke was petrified of trick or treating, he would disolve in tears when we approached the door, but the prospect of candy was enough for the little guy to subject himself to it, over and over again.

Those boys (and their mom) slept well that night! And next year like it or not, we are retiring the pumpkin and the chicken.

KT's Crumbles

My sister died on August 19th.

That sentence rolls off my toungue like I have been saying it all my life. And every time I say it, it becomes a little more real. So I am very choosey about when I allow those words to pass my lips - because I am afraid I will reach a point where I have said it so much that my heart will finally believe it and I will be a mess all over again.

I am not going to go into the details of why and how - and furthermore, for those who know me (and the story) well, I am not going to go into the reasons behind the deep sadness we all feel. But, there are posititves that have come from this - a fresh perspective, a scholarship, a ceasefire, and an end to suffering. But the negatives, those are what keep us up at night. Measuring a life in terms of accomplishments is satisfying, measuring a death in terms of things to be missed, is heartbreaking.

You can measure life in varying degrees of living, but you can't do that with death. You can't be barely dead or really dead, you are just dead - just gone. But the sadness of the loss is very much on a spectrum, and you can oscillate between the two extremes almost instantly and probably indefinietly. There are times when I can hardly breathe and there are times when I doubt reality - but everyday gets better - and so, I guess, as the sages in our lives tell us, only time can heal.

I couldn't bring myself to post picutres of her for a number of reasons, and I couldn't stand the thought of this post being exclusively sad, so I have made some cookies. I make these cookies at least once a week these days (maybe I am eating my feelings), and sometimes (embarassingly) more than once a day!! They are such a hit with the Billy and my boys (and whoever else I pawn them off on) so I thought I would post the recipe here.

The thing that people hope for is that that their loved one won't be forgotten. Right now, I still think of her every day, which sadly is much more than I thought about her when she was alive - but even I know there will be a day when I don't think of her. And slowly, over time, those days will come more often. So I thought a good way to ensure that she is on my mind enough is to rename these cookies after her - there is enough of a sweet tooth at this address to ensure her memory is fresh forever.

Happy Baking

KT's Crumbles - formerly crunchy jumbles

Ingredients:
1 Stick of Butter (we have recently made the switch to organic everything)
1 Cup of Sugar


(cream these together with a mixer)

1 Egg
3/4 TBSP of Good Vanilla
(mix egg and vanilla in with butter cream mixture)
1 1/4 Cup of Flour
1/2 tsp of Baking Soda
1/8 tsp of salt
(combine dry ingredients in a bowl and then sift in the mix)

Once combined well, add 1 Cup of milk chocolate chips, and 2 cups of rice crispies cereal.

Drop table spoonfuls onto cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10 minutes or until barely golden brown.




and share!

I Believe in the Power of Prayer

Please pray for this family.

http://jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com/

I have read and reread and reread these posts. I have projected myself in the story and tried, if even for a minute, to wrap my brain around the anguish that this sweet family has endured. And just as I get near the thought of it - the knot in my throat and the stinging in my eyes is so profound - I have to shake the notion loose and slip back into the warm comfort of my currently uneventful and thus beautiful life. For my uneventful, beautiful life, I am truly grateful. This story makes me feel guilty - guilty that I take comfort in the fact that it is not me. Guilty that the statistic is still a story I am reading, someone else's life far from my reality. But the fact is, it is someone's life - someone's reality - a couple just like Billy and I, who can't, for even one minute, allow ourselves to imagine our lives with out our sweet precious children in it. To be living it must be unbearable, and for that I am truly sorry.

I, for one, believe in the power of prayer. I didn't used to - partly because I didn't understand it and partly because I had never seen it in action. I also didn't used to believe in the importance and power of social media - but as I see the connections of the Sikes family with strangers, who embrace them and love them, growing exponentially - I can see clearly, now, the value.

I always struggled with the idea of prayer being effective. Would a benevolent and loving God truly decide an outcome based on whether or not there were people praying? Could the number of people in a prayer group and the degree of intensity of the prayer truly impact what happens? If God is sovereign, how would the free will of our prayers affect an outcome? It never made sense to me to think that perhaps God would not spare a child's life or comfort a widow if there was no prayer group to support them. If I were ill and dying and had no one praying for me, would God overlook me? Would my suffering be greater for the lack of network? Did it really come down to popularity or works on my part? But I think, I was missing the point.

Someone once shared an analogy about prayer with me, and suddenly it made perfect sense. If a father holds up an apple and asks his son what color it is - he just wants to hear that it is red. Whether the child answers or not, how quickly he answers, or if he answers correctly matters not and changes nothing about the apple - the father just wants to hear his little one say it. I believe that the Plan is in place - God knows what color the apple is, but He cherishes the sound of his people lifting each other up. And at the same time, the power of positve energy is an amazing thing and to know, as a person, that others, especially stangers, are taking the time to support and love you and plead to God on your behalf, is as beautiful as it is comforting and speaks to the inherent greatness of man.

Nothing we say will comfort this family - but I hope that later when they read through the volumes of comments that people have left and the blogs (like this one) that were dedicated to them, they will feel loved, both by their brothers and sisters on Earth and their Father in heaven.

To the Sikes family - we are all on our knees for you - pleading on your behalf. Prayers for comfort and strength are being sent up. May God bless you and your sweet family.

A Mother or a Murderer

This post will be more of a venting session than anything else. And in some ways, I think I am writing it to preserve the way I felt when this epic story wrapped itself up.


I found myself on the floor of Ms. Miller's high school Latin class in the Fall of 1995. We were all huddled around an alarm clock/radio who's time was blinking as 12:00. Undoubtedly the power had gone out, and Ms. Miller hadn't thought to reset it as she was clamoring to plug it in and find the stations that were broadcasting the OJ verdict. I remember hearing the stories of where my parents were when they heard the news about Kennedy, and while I have enough perspective to know that the assassination of JFK was on a much grander scale than the joke verdict of this make-believe trial - I do remember wondering if this would be that kind of story for me later in life. I wish, now, that I could go back and read what the 15 year-old me thought about all of that - and so, to the 50 year-old Karen who might be reading this one day to remember what 30 year-old Karen thought about the Casey Anthony case, here you go.



I was at the kitchen table in the condo in Florida when Billy looked up from his laptop and said "did you hear?" - without missing a keystroke (on my laptop) I said, "you'll have to be more specific" (rather flippantly - or maybe rudely is the better adverb). "did you hear the verdict?" Now the typing stopped. I looked up - scooted back in my chair - folded my arms against my chest and said "no. way." At this point I already knew - you see, a guilty verdict is not news, it is not shocking or exciting, it is nothing to gossip about. It is more of a casual comment over dinner "so they found that crazy guilty as sin" "Figures." A not-guilty verdict, that is something else. I must have said the words "you are kidding me" 6 thousand times - and then I got up on my soap box, and I have yet to step down.



In some ways, this is like a fatality car accident for me. Whenever I drive past them, I am mindful of the fact that, it was someone's life that was lost, and probably someone's loved one, and as much as I would like to look away, out of respect, I find myself craning my neck to get a glimpse of, perhaps just a tarp. Maybe it is the sheer curiosity of it, maybe it is the reality of it, maybe it is a reminder of my own mortality or even my own vitality as I zoom by - alive. It seems that I am treating the details of this case that way. Every written word I read, every court document that is released, I devour - even though it literally sickens me. I get a knot in my throat when I see pictures or read sterile, overly clinical forensic descriptions of the circumstances surround the death of that sweet child, but yet I keep searching. I recently found a link to all of the public court documents - and while there are over 1500 pages of them there are a few that were interesting enough for me to lend a pause and a cursory glance. They are all as sickening as they are obvious - and how on EARTH this verdict came back the way it did, ESPECIALLY in less than 24 hours, is beyond me.



I won't pretend to understand all of the legal nuances that were invariably critical to this particular litigation, and at the same time I won't except credit for being well versed in the intimate details of the case. I know enough to know, however, that from the outside looking in, this is open and shut - and if the red-tape, judicial mumbo-jumbo got in the way, then the system is broken and needs repairing. Below is what I do know - and it is more than enough.



A babe was missing for 30 days before her mother reported it.

A mother of a missing babe was out living the good life in the time after her babe went missing.

A grandmother called 911 about the concerns about her own daughter's involvement in the disappearance/murder of this child - and said grandmother reported that the car smelled like a dead body.

A syringe and Chloroform traces were found in the back of Casey's car.

Chemicals that are consistent with organic (or living matter) decomposition were present in the trunk fibers of Casey's car.

Someone, on CASEY's computer, looked up "how to make chloroform" and "how to break a neck"

The initial counsel representing both Casey and her parents stepped down (conscience is my guess)

The remains were placed in a laundry bag and then a trash bag and thrown in the woods for animals to have their way with. The same materials were found in Casey's home.

And the only thing that she was found legitimately guilty for, LYING, was the theme of her life the past 3 years.



The idea that Casey Anthony will be out in the world and (NOT STERILE) is more than just alarming - it is disgusting. The justice system is supposed to protect the greater good from the threat of heartless, spineless monsters like these - and this is on the order of an epic fail. EVEN if you believe the preposterous story about a cover up of an accidental drowning (an event that in 100% of other cases does not need covering up) the fact that she is capable of even that should be a solid indicator that she is not a functional, safe or necessary element of society. Occam's Razor says (in not so many words) that the simplest explanation is usually true. So, what is more likely? This lying, selfish, irresponsible mother, who is indicated as culpable by most, if not all of the physical evidence, did this in an effort to free herself from the chains of parental responsibility so she could go out and win as many "hot body" contest that her heart desires. Or her father, Caylee's grandfather, had Caylee drown on him, and then instead of calling for help - enlisted the help of the daugther he had spent the better part of 20 years molesting to cover up the accidental death, and all of the other incriminating details were coincidental. Hmmmm.



So to all of the people out there who say that reasonable doubt was the undoing, I say, there is nothing reasonable about doubting for one second that Casey Anthony is a soul-less, hell-bound, murderer who drugged her own babe one too many times and then threw her away like garbage hoping she would never get caught, or hoping that if she did get caught, things would turn out exactly as they have - primo conditions for a lucrative book deal. To the 12 jurors of Orange County - I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I heard your verdict - I hope Nancy Grace invites each and every one of you to her show for a tongue-lashing that rivals some of her Natalie Holloway ratings bonanzas. Shame. On. You.